Miss Mary Pennynickle's Fairytales of Foreboding Read online

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s

  ©

  Fairytales of Foreboding

  copyright 2011

  Doozie Press

  Fishkill, NY 12524

  Edited by James DeSalvo

  All rights reserved: This book may not be copied or reproduced without the express written consent of the author and/or publisher.

  Hansel und Gretel

  by Miss Mary Pennynickle

  …Then Hansel and Gretel

  Pushed the witch in the oven

  For never more

  Would she join her black coven

  Hansel and Gretel were hungry

  And in a bad mood.

  “You’ve been fattened up,” said Gretel

  “But I still need some food.”

  “This house is too barren

  This house is too sweet!

  What I really want

  Is a big slab of meat!”

  Hansel looked through the house

  Then he got a big grin.

  He opened the oven

  And said, “Now, let’s dig in.”

  “What horror!” she shrieked

  Still her stomach was hollow

  Hansel gave her a slice

  “Just have one swallow.”

  The flesh tasted fine

  The witch made a great meal.

  It was great revenge

  No remorse would they feel.

  They rested awhile

  And closed their tired eyes

  When they woke up

  They had quite a surprise

  Their bodies did tingle

  Their hearts went hither and ‘fro

  Their heads became dizzy

  Then did they know

  The dark arts the witch played

  The secrets she knew

  Filled Hansel and Gretel

  Black thoughts her flesh did imbue

  Their horrible parents

  Left them to die.

  She said, “I bet they are tasty.

  Let’s give them a try.”

  They walked from the cottage

  Hand over hand

  Still licking their lips

  From the flesh that was grand.

  They wanted desert

  They wanted something sweet.

  They turned to the house

  A different sight did they greet

  The house wasn’t candy

  It was made of old skin

  Of all of the children

  Who always went in.

  Three bunnies hopped by

  They look quite delicious

  Hansel saw the look in their eyes

  And grew very suspicious

  “Come, my dear sister,

  Let’s find our way home.”

  Gretel thought of recipes

  As her mouth started to foam.

  “Do you think they still love us?”

  Asked Gretel with a smile.

  “I can’t wait to find out,”

  Said he, “It’s only a mile.”

  Within a half hour

  At the crack of day

  They came to their home

  Hoping to stay.

  They knocked on the door

  They snuck into the house

  “Be very quiet,” whispered Hansel

  “Be as still as a mouse.”

  Hansel and Gretel climbed the stairs

  To their parents’ room

  Their folks didn’t know

  That they’d soon meet their doom.

  “Mother and Father,” the kids whispered.

  “Oh please, do wake up.”

  Hansel and Gretel licked their lips

  They could not wait to sup.

  Mother and Father did wake up

  To an unwelcome surprise

  They both felt the fear

  But continued their guise.

  “Oh, children,” cried Mother,

  “Thank God, you’re alive!”

  Gretel cut off mom’s finger.

  “Now you’ve got less than five.”

  Mother screamed in pain

  Father yelled, “I’m not at fault!”

  Hansel decided to kill them

  And cure their flesh with some salt.

  Hansel and Gretel enjoyed

  Their good morning meal.

  “This meat,” said Gretel

  “Is softer than veal.”

  Parents don’t leave your children

  To die. It’s not nice.

  Because one day they’ll cook you

  And serve you with cabbage and rice.

  The End

  Cinderella

  By Miss Mary Pennynickle

  …Cinderella did wish

  She could go to the dance

  But she was chained to the stove

  And had nary a chance

  She clawed and she pried

  At her cast iron shackles

  Her cries heard by naught

  Then up went her hackles

  The air grew quite still

  It was frigid and stale

  Then rose up from the floorboards

  A figure obese and pale

  Cinderella stammered and gasped

  At the woman so round

  Said the rotund figure

  “Cinderella, up from the ground!”

  Cinderella did stand

  As she was advised

  “Now,” said the woman

  “Here’s the plan I’ve devised.”

  “Who are you?” gasped Cinderella

  “I’m your fairy godmother. We haven’t much time.”

  The fairy godmother released the fair maiden

  “Let’s clean off your grime.”

  The fairy godmother told

  Her plan for the night

  “A princess you’ll be

  To all others in sight.”

  With a wave of her wand

  Fair maid no longer a mess

  In a gown and glass slippers

  Godmother said “I have to confess.”

  “Child, you listen. Leave

  At twelve of the clock

  Or you’ll be stuck with this family

  Forever you they will mock.”

  With wave of the wand

  Cinderella was at the ball

  She saw her stepfamily

  As her flesh started to crawl

  A touch on her hand

  The prince stood at her side

  “I’ve not had the honor,”

  Said he as her smile grew wide

  “Would you dance with me, please?”

  They took to the floor

  They whirled and they twirled

  Until they could move no more

  “You’re name, pray I ask you.”

  He asked at the clock it did chime

  She wanted to tell him

  But was lacking in time

  She ran into the night

  But lost one glass shoe

  The prince picked it up

  “I will find you and woo.”

  The days turned to weeks

  His great love he’d not found

  He almost gave up

  But gave one last round

  He found the right home

  And told of his plan

  The stepdaughters preened and they prepped

  Then over they ran

  “Let me try it on,”

  Said the ugliest one

  Her feet were too small

  The prince did she shun

  He tried the next daughter

  Her feet large as a carriage

  But she cut o
ff her toes

  The shoe guaranteed marriage

  The shoe fit her foot

  The prince left with his bride

  She moved into the castle

  Her clan at her side

  Cinderella came, too

  To be but a maid

  She was mad at this life

  As her eyes grew dark by a shade

  She picked up a knife

  To hunt down her stepsister

  Cinderella found her at last

  And stabbed, but just missed her

  “He was to be mine

  But I still clean and I toil.”

  Her sister had Cinderella carried away

  And cooked in hot oil

  Now my dear students

  Pay close attention

  You can hope for the best

  But you won’t leave your station.

  The End

  Stone Soup

  by Miss Mary Pennynickle

  With only a cauldron the visitor came

  He wanted shelter from the oncoming storm

  His hopes sank in this poor little town

  Windows broken and tattered streets were not the norm

  The villagers peered from their tiny dark homes

  To get a glimpse of their disheveled intruder.

  They stood in their doorways not giving their names

  Thought the visitor, “They couldn’t be ruder.”

  He wanted some friends and somewhere to sleep

  He needed to entice the dirty poor group

  A flash struck his thoughts to get his wish

  “Ah,” he said aloud. “I’ll make some very good soup.”

  He dropped his very large pot

  On the dark dusty ground.

  He tossed a large rock onto the ironcast bottom

  It rang out as the crowd gathered ‘round.

  “What are you doing?” asked a slender tall man.

  “I’m making my soup. Delicious with stone!”

  Gasped a silly young girl

  “You can’t serve that alone.”

  “That pot is too dry to make a good meal.

  I’ll run to gather some water.”

  The visitor chuckled at his very good plan

  Easier than thought. He proved himself smarter.

  The villagers built fire for heat

  The cauldron needed a lot

  Water was poured into the soup

  “Is that all you’ve got?”

  The villagers ran hither and ‘fro

  To get good things for a wonderful feast

  They spared whatever they could

  It bothered them not in the least

  “I’ve got some stale bread,” said an old crone.

  She tossed it in as it boiled and churned

  “These are greens from my garden here in my hand

  I’ll throw the right in. This soup it has earned.”

  The townspeople tossed in whatever they had

  Be it too salty or quite sweet

  The visitor tasted the soup.

  “Ah, it is good. But it still needs some meat.”

  “But good sir,” cried out one

  “We have naught but these goods.”

  The visitor had asked far too much

  He now understood.

  “Well, good friends, gather your bowls and let’s dig in.”

  Yet the villagers would not take a seat.

  “You’ve asked for more food.

  We will give you your meat.”

  Shovels were brought forth

  “To the graves we shall go.

  Let’s dig up the freshest.”

  The visitor cried out “Oh, no!”

  “It’s what we do to serve guests.

  The dead do not mind.

  Now poke the ground with your shovel.

  They’re easy to find.”

  The visitor gasped into his hand

  He started to run.

  The slender tall man took back his shovel

  “But it’s all just in fun.”

  From the grave they dragged Grandpa

  Freshly dead but two weeks

  The townspeople tossed him in

  With some garlic and leeks.

  A young girl with a cup filled to the brim

  Walked over. “Please, do dig in.

  That’s my Granddaddy Pete,”

  She said with a grin.

  The visitor heaved at the sight

  Of the flesh falling from skull

  “I cannot eat this vile thing!”

  Then there was a lull

  “Good sir, we have given you food

  From our hearts and our homes.

  What more can be given to one

  Who on the road always roams?”

  “But I taught the secret of sharing

  Yet you dig your food from a hole!”

  “We’ve always had meat.

  Just not a stone and a very large bowl.”

  The visitor went mad

  Buried alive he did rot

  One day he’ll be cooked

  In the lesson he taught.

  The End

  Snow White

  by Miss Mary Pennynickle

  On the floor did they find her

  Their lovely Snow White

  An apple she clutched

  Her breathing not right

  The dwarves lifted her body