Miss Mary Pennynickle's Hellish Horrors of History Read online

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s

  Hellish Horrors of History

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s disturbed imagination or used fictitiously.

  ©James DeSalvo 2011

  Published by Doozie Press

  ISBN: 978-0-9829171-4-5

  Visit the author at http://www.jamesdesalvoauthor.com

  Follow James DeSalvo on Twitter @jamesdesalvo

  Visit the author on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/James-DeSalvo-Fans/144687262277416?sk=wall

  http://jamesdesalvoauthor.blogspot.com/

  Read Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Diaries on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Miss-Mary-Pennynickles-Tales-of-Torment-for-Toddlers/162642690426622

  Also by James DeSalvo

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Tales of Torment for Toddlers

  http://www.amazon.com/Pennynickles-Tales-Torment-Toddlers-ebook/dp/B003YRIKLM/ref=pd_sim_kinc_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Fairytales of Foreboding

  http://www.amazon.com/Miss-Pennynickles-Fairytales-Foreboding-ebook/dp/B004I6D3N8/ref=pd_sim_kinc_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

  Connie Cobbler: Toy Detective

  http://www.amazon.com/Connie-Cobbler-Toy-Detective-ebook/dp/B004E3XYQ6/ref=pd_sim_kinc_5?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

  What Reviewers are Saying About Miss Mary Pennynickle

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Fairytales of Foreboding:

  “What a great follow-up to azon.com/gp/product/B003YRIKLM/ref=cm_cr_asin_lnk">Miss Mary Pennynickle's Tales of Torment for Toddlers! Miss Mary Pennynickle obviously went the extra mile here to scare us! Fairytales of Foreboding takes the fairytales that already scared you as a child... and then ramps them up to a new level of creepiness!... Miss Mary Pennynickle goes the extra mile and writes a complete follow-up for you to enjoy (or get the shivers from!).”

  “What can I say..This is another addition to the Miss Pennynickles tales. You wont be disappointed with this one.. Miss Mary Pennynickle..really creepy stuff…”

  “Fairytales are scary enough for us when we're kids... but INTENTIONALLY SCARY Fairytales are really bad when we're kids and even now as adults! Miss Mary Pennynickle's Fairytales of Foreboding is a masterful collection of the usual fairytales you remember (such as Cinderella, Stone Soup (okay, it wasn't originally a fairytale but this version is!), Snow White, and so many more). Miss Mary Pennynickle takes them to their next level, really to their next logical level, and concludes these fabled tales in a way that'll make you turn your lights on tonight when you go to bed! These are incredibly funny but darkly so, I mean many times deeper and darker and that is where their brilliance lies: in the dark humor that protrudes from the jewels in this collection!”

  Miss Mary Pennynickle’s Tales of Torment for Toddlers:

  “So much of childhood can be brought to mind through Miss Pennynickle's fantastical romps through a fairytale land spattered with gore. The sun, the smiles, the fun, the laughter, the popping sound a head makes when it is crushed by a maddened merry go round horse demon, and of course the love, all those precious memories.

  If you enjoy the works of one Roman Dirge, then you'll love the works of Miss Pennynickle and her cavalcade of furry friends with just a few blood stains.”

  “I laughed out loud (and sometimes cringed) throughout each vignette. DeSalvo has a wicked sense of humour and I'd recommend his twisted tales to those who laugh at horror movies and delight in the macabre. My favourite is "How Big Boys Poop" which demonstrates the author's bizarre imagination, although I wouldn't recommend it as bathroom reading material....”

  “Reading DeSalvo's work brought to mind Roman Dirge mixed with Shel Silverstein. I really enjoyed the book, and would recommend it to people who who are looking for a laugh and a smile. My personal favorite was the first story about the little bunnies. I appreciated that I let my guard down while reading it and then watching the ending unfold. It was the first time in a long while since I raised a brow while reading.

  I hope that DeSalvo continues to write; he has a faithful fan here!”

  Table of Contents

  Plymouth Rock 7

  Benjamin Franklin Discovers Electricity 16

  The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere 24

  The Death of Abraham Lincoln 31

  The 031End 39

  Plymouth Rock

  Set cast to the sea

  Because they were devout

  The Pilgrims left old England

  Some say they were pushed out

  Given but a short time

  ‘Twas less than half an hour

  They loaded up the boat

  The vessel called Mayflower

  The ocean voyage was fraught

  With danger and with fears

  Many lost all hope

  And many shed soft tears

  Waves crashed against the ship

  The mast shattered by their force

  Blinding mist filled their eyes

  The boat had lost its course

  They tossed and they turned

  The storms getting rougher

  Said one Myles Standish,

  “This just makes us tougher.

  In a new land we’ll be

  Within but a week.

  Now reach deep inside

  It’s courage you seek.”

  The Pilgrims did pray

  As the storm dissipated

  They saw a bright blue sky

  They were so elated

  The water was calm

  The wind was just a breeze

  They sailed further on

  The Pilgrims were at ease

  They finally hit shore

  The ship had made dock

  Near the location of stone

  To be named Plymouth Rock

  Many took to the shores

  To step foot on this land

  It was wonderful indeed

  The trip had worked out as planned

  On the="0 we ship stayed some men

  Writing laws and their reasons

  And to prepare a good plan

  For surviving the four seasons

  “Crops must be grown

  And land to be farmed

  What shall we do?”

  “Don’t be alarmed.

  “I shall take care of these people

  I am a trained soldier,”

  Said Myles Standish

  No man was bolder

  A compact was signed

  They had all agreed

  Myles Standish would watch

  To help those in need

  Autumn came quickly

  Then winter came fast

  Sickness prevailed

  Not many would last

  Food became scarce

  Standish took to the woods

  Hunting for deer

  And nature’s sweet goods

  He came back empty handed

  The village filled with gloom

  The Pilgrims, it seemed,

  Had sailed to their doom

  Standish grew weary

  As the others fell one by one

  He finally decided

  What had to be done

  “Let’s bury the dead,”

  He said with a sigh.

  He had failed the poor Pilgrims

  They did not have to die

  He dug at the ground

  It was frozen and thick

  “Please help me dig.”

  They moved not a lick

  The corpses were piled

  Their faces cracked and dark blue

&nb
sp; One Pilgrim licked his lips

  “I think they might do.”

  Standish screamed out

  “Lord, perish the thought!

  That is not somt="t is noething

  That the good Lord hath taught.”

  The Pilgrims looked on

  The man looked away

  An old man spoke up

  “Sir, I am filled with dismay.

  “You would eat of your brothers

  Take their flesh from the bone.

  I can speak for the others

  As I’m not alone

  “Eating the dead

  Is an abomination

  To do such a thing

  Leads right to damnation!”

  The crowd nodded in earnest

  Standish nodded consent

  Yet the old man continued

  “I think you know what I meant.

  “If it’s damnation you’re after

  As we all are for sure

  The flesh has to be fresh

  And it has to be pure.”

  “What did you say?”

  Standish looked on aghast

  “Myles, you know who we are

  Human flesh’s our repast.”

  “What horrors are you?

  From whence come you beasts?”

  “Understand, Myles,

  This is how our kind feasts.”

  Myles’ eyes filled with terror

  As they chose for their dinner

  Most used to be fat

  But now became thinner

  “Purity first,”

  The old man called forth

  “Followed by Chastity.

  Then we’ll eat Worth.”

  Three girls came forward

  Each pulled off her bonnet

  Shaved heads revealed

  The mark of the beast carved upon it

  “What have I done?”

  “You chose the wrong ship

  The Separatists you seek

  Were on the p hWere onnext trip.”

  As Myles fled the dark sight

  They gorged themselves sick

  Until nothing was left

  Dinner was quick

  Every year a great banquet

  A remembrance with friends

  We feast on a turkey

  To make our amends

  If you’ve no bird on your plate

  Don’t despair this Thanksgiving

  My sweet little ones

  You can still eat the living

  Benjamin Franklin Discovers Electricity

  A man of great learning

  And vast education

  Invention and science

  Were Ben Franklin’s vocation

  He invented bifocals

  To help the nearsighted see

  And a pot bellied stove

  To make cooking easy

  His mind full with thoughts

  Of the classics he read

  One secret text

  Told of raising the dead

  “Why not?” said in a whisper

  So no one could hear

  “They may again live with us.

  We’ve nothing to fear.”

  He drew up some plans

  He dug up some graves

  He dissected the bodies

  He started with slaves

  “In death we’re all equal

  In the eyes of the Lord.

  What method I’d use?”

  Then, thought struck a chord.

  He saw lightning strike down

  A great tree with one aim.

  “If it could take a life,

  It might revive just the same.”

  He laid out a fresh corpse

  On a stormy, dark eve

  Fran

  “Let a shock it receive.”

  A bright bolt hit the corpse

  The corpse burst into flames

  Ben was disappointed

  Perhaps he held too lofty aims

  Benjamin Franklin

  Was not one to quit

  “This is a ponderous puzzle.

  I must quickly solve it!”

  He thought and he tinkered

  Static shock caused reaction

  The lifeless flesh jumped

  Meat and electric need interaction

  Franklin tied a key to a kite

  Attached to a jar

  Hoping to catch electricity

  Then a flash from afar

  Ben spoke words from the book

  An old incantation

  Playing at God

  To bring about reanimation

  The jar filled with fire

  Iron covered the flesh

  He shattered the glass

  They started to mesh

  The corpse filled with life

  It screamed out in pain

  Its soul snatched from Heaven

  It lived again

  “What have you done?”

  He demanded of Ben

  “I’m not really sure,”

  Said Ben with chagrin

  “I wanted to study

  How life really works.”

  “But you’ve brought me back

  So raise my wife by your works.”

  The corpse directed Franklin

  To the place of his bride.

  There were too many gravestones

  It was hard to decide.

  “Where is she buried?”

  Asked Franklin with fear

  “I’m not very sure.

  I’m not buried here.”

  The corpse wanted his wife

  “Raise them all if you need!”

  Franklin thought it all over

  To revive her with speed.

  He took metal rods

  From the cemetery gate

  Plunging them into the ground

  In an organized state

  The storm still raged

  The sky filled with lightning

  But science calmed Franklin’s mind

  This was not at all frightening.

  He called out the spell

  Ancient dark arts gathered ‘round